How to shift your consciousness to suit the results you want
Welcome, entrepreneurs. I’m so glad you’re here.
Although I have nearly two decades of experience in the CEO seat, I spend relatively little time with clients on the specific “how to” elements of leadership (Mochary Method does a good job of that). By the time a client is talking to me, they’ve generally already proven themselves resourceful enough to figure shit out, once the problem is well defined and they are bringing the best of themselves to bear on solving it.
It’s that “bringing the best of themselves to bear” part that usually takes the most effort. And that’s the subject of today’s post.
The very same leader can be unstoppable in one moment, and feel completely impotent in the next, given the exact same set of circumstances.
What’s the difference?
The type of consciousness they are bringing to the situation.
Today’s issue is a guide to identifying the four types of consciousness you already experience, and learning how to shift between them to achieve your goals.
A guide to moment-to-moment navigation of the four main states of consciousness
My worst coaching sessions always start with great intentions. I do my prep work, catch myself up on where the client is in their process, and review the theories and hypotheses I’ve developed about what might be going on. In some cases, these theories are really good, insightful, and even correct. When that happens, I can unknowingly (and yet understandably, I think) get attached to those theories, especially when they so cleanly explain all the data and when awareness of my insight might open up a whole new realm of possibility for my client. My awareness contracts, and I enter into the conversation looking for data points that confirm my theory. In my search, of course I find those things, but in looking for that one particular data point I miss the gorilla in the room.
My best coaching sessions, on the other hand, I enter into totally differently. I do the same prep work, but instead of dialing in what I think, once I’m done reviewing the client’s materials I deliberately, consciously, let go of any theories, and instead start to look around the room. I light a candle to remind myself of the energy that runs through life, and through me, and I let go of what I think is right and surrender to the moment in front of me. My awareness expands, as I take in all of life around me, and I enter into the coaching conversation with no plans or expectations. I never know where these conversations will go, but they always travel to the most valuable places, as I find just the right questions and observations coming to me, unbidden, and I simply ask what occurs to me. This type of intuitive approach to coaching has led to just the right outcome so many times that I’ve learned to rely on it.
What’s going on here?
Hemisphere theory
The explanation of these two approaches that makes most sense to me is brain hemisphere theory (best resource for further reading is Ian McGilchrist’s Master and his Emissary, or if you’re bold, The Matter With Things):
The left hemisphere of the brain works skillfully at isolating and working with specific details inside a large environment. It evolved to help predators isolate a single mouse in the forest, dial into that small little detail at the expense of everything else, and catch it. While we’re no longer chasing animals through the woods, when it comes to breaking down something into its parts and working with those parts, the left hemisphere is tops. But by dialing into specific details, our left hemisphere misses the big picture.
The right hemisphere, on the other hand, helps us see the big picture, understand it (prior to and beyond language), and notice anything out of the ordinary. It evolved primarily to help us avoid getting eaten, which requires situational awareness and the ability to comprehend and react to something without taking the time to systematically process it. And, in today’s environment, our right hemisphere is more highly adapted to environments in which it’s important to understand the whole, and make non-linear meaning.
You can see where this is going.
Bad coaching sessions (but great science, math, and engineering) originate from a left-hemisphere-dominant state of consciousness, whereas great coaching sessions tend to come from the right hemisphere.
The same is true of leadership.
Early in a person’s leadership journey, most of their focus is, rightfully so, on the “how” of leadership. What models to use, what things to say, which tools. But at some point, once a leader has a grasp of their capacity to affect change, the most high leverage work is less on how to do a thing, and more on bringing the best version of that person to each moment. Said another way, the leader’s way of being, their mode of consciousness, has a dramatically larger impact on results than does the specific technique the leader uses.
There is no single right type of consciousness. The key to doing your best work is to develop consciousness flexibility: the ability to bring the type of consciousness that best fits each context. For the rest of this piece, I’m going to help you learn how.
To Me, By Me, Through Me, As Me
There are many models that map out the subjective experience of different consciousnesses, but the one I find most useful originally comes from Michael Bernard Beckwith and was popularized by the Conscious Leadership Group. It maps out the states of consciousness in the following way.
The most common interpretation of this model is that of progressive cognitive development, similar to Bob Kegan’s Constructive Developmentalism or Susan Cook-Greuter’s Ego Development Theory. And this is an accurate interpretation on one level: the type of consciousness you experience the most has a tendency to stabilize through neuroplasticity, so the more you experience By Me, the more stabilized that state becomes.
However, humans don’t stay in one mode of consciousness, however stabilized it may be. So in the quest to bring the right type of consciousness to the right context, it’s more useful to view these states of consciousness not as hierarchical but rather as different modes among which you shift multiple times per day. None is good or bad, but all are more or less adapted to different situations.
By way of example, here’s how those modes show up in a typical day in my life:
I wake up and sit down to meditate. After 10-20 minutes of Shikantaza meditation, regardless of how I woke up, I find myself in As Me consciousness, or non-dual consciousness, in which my sense of self dissolves into reality, and all becomes one. (I’ve been meditating for 15 years. Your mileage may vary, but I suggest Sam Harris’s Waking Up app).
Once that’s finished, I feel amazing, settled, but as I get up to begin the crazy process of getting the kids ready to go to school – the very definition of moving pieces to produce a result – I feel myself shifting into By Me consciousness, which helps me to drive us through all the breakfasts and so forth, and out the door.
When I get to the office in the morning and sit down to write, I notice that I feel like writing is hard, and I’m spinning over a sentence or two rather than flowing. This is an indicator that I’m trying to sound smart in my writing, which is a reflection of By Me consciousness. Just by noticing, I’m able to let go of the need to write something useful that day and simply start to write. In that act of surrender, I feel my consciousness expand and inspiration begin to emerge through me. Before long, I’m simply copying down what’s running through my head, and writing happens Through Me. If I write what comes through, I’ll have a finished blog post in an hour.
I exit my fun fugue state late morning, and find myself automatically shifting back into By Me to process emails, check off any to-dos for the day, and eventually make lunch.
At some point during the day, something happens. A client is in crisis. A teammate puts in their resignation. I feel the fear and immediately find myself trying to react, which is a good indication that I’ve shifted into To Me consciousness. This is the space in which I’m the least comfortable, but I’ve learned that when I find myself in To Me, the thing to do is to turn toward the feelings that come up, allowing them to be there without resistance. So I take the time to feel the fear, until it runs its course. Then and only then do I begin the process of shifting.
Afterward, as I transition into the coaching part of my day, I go through the process I described in the introduction to ensure I bring my most expansive, holistic, Through Me awareness to my clients. I allow whatever is there, including fear, to be there, and surrender to what life wants to do with me. “Dance me, Life” I say (sometimes literally). This is the time of day at which I’m the most conscious in shifting from By Me into Through Me, because doing so effectively is critical to the work I do.
Inside Through Me, I naturally notice that my client is talking about all the things that need to change before they can make their move – To Me consciousness – and help them shift into By Me by taking responsibility for creating barriers to their being able to take action (often created as a subconscious way of keeping ourselves safe). Other clients are successful but feeling empty, or productive but feeling creatively blocked – aspects of By Me consciousness – so I help them shift into Through Me. If the consciousness my client brings to a situation is keeping them stuck, one of my roles is to help them shift into a different mode.
Thus you can see how a person shifts between all four different modes of consciousness, sometimes unconsciously but preferably consciously, depending on which mode is best suited to the task at hand. And even, if that’s part of their work, how they can use their own mode of consciousness to help another person shift consciously.
The shifting process
The process of shifting your mode of consciousness is straightforward, but takes practice. So in session with clients, regardless of the situation, we often practice the shift process.
Called by many names, the process itself is remarkably consistent from leadership development to Buddhist Meditation to ACT therapy and any number of other modalities that work with consciousness directly. In essence, there are four steps:
Step 1: Awareness
Step 2: Acceptance
Step 3: Choice
Step 4: Shift
Step 1: Awareness
Wherever you are, the first step to shifting anything is awareness of your current state. This is for the most part self explanatory, but there are two things you can do to increase your awareness of your state of consciousness.
First, you practice. For clients I suggest meditation, as it’s the best form of practice I’ve found, but however you practice, the more you pay conscious attention to your state of consciousness (even overlaying this model atop it for ease of navigation), the easier it becomes. Not sexy, but practice is essential.
And second, you can set up consciousness triggers, to alert you to specific modes. For example, feeling fear is commonly an indicator that you are in To Me consciousness, so once you’ve learned that, the mere feeling of fear can be a trigger to pay attention to your mode of consciousness, and begin the process of shifting (when desired).
Step 2: Acceptance
Once you’re aware of the mode your consciousness is in, there’s often an instinct to resist that mode. Particularly when we’re in To Me consciousness – when we’re scared, or feeling at the mercy of our environment – our first instinct, coming from our amygdala’s fight/flight/freeze response, can be to try to force ourselves into another mode.
Don’t do this. It’s like shifting a manual transmission without using the clutch. You jam the gears, and it gets stuck.
Instead, once you notice where you are, engage the metaphorical clutch of your consciousness. You do this through unconditional acceptance of your state. If you are feeling fearful and in To Me, accept that feeling. Embrace it. As Pema Chodron says, “lean into the sharp points.” If you are feeling bullish like you’re going to conquer the world, feel the excitement and vitality, and the desire to cause change. Feeling your current state fully allows it, like all emotions, to flow through you until it completes itself. The more you resist what you’re currently feeling, the more stuck you become. But the more you allow whatever you’re feeling to be just what is, the easier it becomes to shift consciously.
There are some great models for this stage in the process, but one of my favorites is the Sedona Method, which you can find here.
Step 3: Choice
Once you’ve allowed whatever is to simply be ok, you can choose to shift. Sometimes your openness to this is self evident (the fear runs its course, for example), but often it’s more subtle. To discern whether you’re willing to shift, the Conscious Leadership Group has developed a useful series of questions you can ask yourself. Each question gets at a separate aspect of your relationship with reality, effectively boiling down to “are you resisting what is, right now?” Again, acceptance is the prerequisite to shifting.
Note that there’s a way of doing this morally, that sets you up with the obligation to answer no because it’s the right/most evolved/best thing to answer. Don’t do this. If you’re not really willing and you try to shift you’ll just jam your gears. Instead, ask yourself openly, with curiosity. And listen for an honest answer.
If you’re not willing to shift, that’s totally cool. There’s a lot of learning available from seeing exactly why you’re unwilling to shift. If that’s the case, then the thing to do is return to step 2 and be there consciously, with your unwillingness, with curiosity and presence, until you are willing to shift.
Once you are, then you can begin your shift move.
Step 4: Shift
There are different moves to shift from one type of consciousness to another, and the key is using the right tool for the job.
To Me => By Me
Once you’ve felt the fear of To Me through to completion, the move here is to take responsibility.
Your circumstances will be what they are, and you have various levels of responsibility for them. But no matter your circumstances, the key to shifting from To Me to By Me is in taking unconditional, 100% responsibility for your experience of those circumstances.
For example, the fact that you are having fights with your cofounder, or you have a runway crisis, doesn’t cause you to panic. Those circumstances are true, one way or the other, but your experience of those circumstances—panic, excitement, or resolute determination—is up to you. A function of the story you tell yourself.
Or say you are scared of letting your investor down. Your circumstance is that you have an investor and a fiduciary responsibility to her and all your other shareholders. That’s a fact. But the fear you feel in letting her down, and the story you’re telling yourself that it’ll ruin you and you’ll fail and end up living in a van by the river, that’s the story you’re adding to those facts. What there is to do is to take responsibility for creating all that noise, and understand that you’re doing it because some part of you thinks it’s the best option. Accepting responsibility for that part of you that’s creating your fear, that’s what it means to step into By Me.
I’ve dedicated only three paragraphs to this section because this piece is a summary, but helping a client move from To Me to By Me is the lion’s share of the consciousness shifting work I do with clients.
But some clients, more adept with By Me consciousness, become interested in toying with and eventually spending a great deal of time in Through Me consciousness.
By Me => Through Me
If you find yourself in the narrow, get shit done focus of By Me, the move to shift into the expansiveness, creativity and flow state of Through Me is to Surrender.
Counterintuitively, to access your most creative, holistic thinking, you must let go of the part of you that needs to solve the problem and simply allow reality to solve itself.
If this sounds vague, or if you’re experiencing some resistance to the notion of surrendering, notice that you’ve probably already experienced the way this process works, through the concept of shower ideas. You think really hard about something, really beat your head against the wall, and finally give up. And then, the next day in the shower the answer just comes to you.
The magic of the shower is that it occupies the conscious part of our brain with the rote task of washing ourselves and allows the rest of our brain to expand and relax. To surrender, in other words.
Important to note here that you’re not surrendering your ability to effect change, your volition, your free will or anything else. You’re simply surrendering to reality, and allowing reality to use you to solve the situation. It’s less of a ceasing of activity than it is a reordering of who’s steering that activity. Rather than you steering things, taking different actions to produce different outcomes according to your likes and dislikes, you surrender your preferences (you don’t understand reality enough to know what you really want anyway) and allow life to dance you like a puppet.
For some, this sounds ridiculous. It would have to me 10 years ago, so if that’s you, know that you’re in good company. No need to rush into this mode. Just live some more, and you’ll see why this is compelling eventually (or you won’t, and that’s ok, too).
But for others, this is the most important work of their life (I’ve found it’s the path to a relationship with the divine). If you’re in this camp, I want to direct you to the best resource I've found for surrender practice, Michael Singer. Check out The Surrender Experiment if you’re a book person, or if you prefer audiobooks, check out Living from a Place of Surrender.
Again, the more you practice, the more accessible this state of consciousness becomes.
Through Me => As Me
Finally, to shift from Through Me to As Me requires that you let go of your sense of self. This is the most skillful of the shifts and, while with the right instruction it can be experienced immediately, developing the ability to drop into this space on demand often requires years of practice.
For those trying to get a taste of As Me consciousness, my two favorite resources are Douglas Harding’s work, particularly “On Having No Head,” and the Dzogchen “pointing out” instructions (great video here). Or even more effective, you could take psychedelics. Want an experience of ego-dissolution in which you become one with the universe? Take psilocybin, and you’ll experience it. Reliable, quick, unfortunately illegal in many places (for now), but a key part of many people’s leadership journeys.
You may check those out and decide it’s not for you. That’s ok. But for those who’ve had the taste and want more, there is only one way to proceed: Practice.
In my experience, the best way to practice is to meditate for a long period of time, using choiceless (unfocused) awareness as the methodology. I’ve written instructions about this type of meditation here, but again, when I work with clients I often refer them to Sam Harris’s Waking Up app. Either way, with some practice, you’ll start to experience this state in blips, and then longer moments, and over time, you can develop a more intimate relationship with it.
Either way, like all the other shifts, the more you consciously shift into this mode, the easier it becomes to access.
Whatever you practice, you improve.
Skipping steps
Now is a great time for a quick note about skipping steps. There are two types of step skipping, one of which is great and useful, and the other of which builds up psychological cruft and can cause problems.
The first type of skip moves is moving from To Me => Through Me, or By Me => As Me, or Through Me => To Me. These types of moves are every bit as accessible with practice as a direct move like those listed above. The key in this case is to use the shift mode of the mode you want to ENTER, rather than the one you want to EXIT.
The second type of skip move is skipping steps in the process. This most notably happens when people notice they’re in To Me and want to skip into By Me without feeling their feelings. Human beings have the remarkable ability to compartmentalize and shove their feelings deep down into their psyches rather than dealing with them, which is sometimes the right approach (in a crisis for example). But be wary of shifting from To Me to By Me without first completing steps 1-3 in the process. It’s not that you can’t do it – it’s just that doing it builds up psychological cruft that will express itself in inconvenient ways down the road. Better to feel your feelings now, and shift from a spacious place, rather than using these tools to bypass the feelings you’re meant to feel.
Remember, you can dial down the intensity of your emotions, but there’s only one volume knob. If the fear is dulled, so is the joy and the love.
Conclusion
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” – Einstein
These are the most straightforward models I’ve run across, and those that I use when helping a client develop competence and intelligence around their consciousness. By using these models consistently, and shifting intentionally into the mode of consciousness best suited to your goals, you cultivate consciousness flexibility and set yourself up for success.
Then, over time, as you do this more and more, you can adapt your consciousness, stabilizing it to the specific contexts that are the most important to you, so that a coach, for example, might bring Through Me consciousness as a default, whereas an engineer could benefit from bringing By Me.
Either way, whether moment to moment or linearly and longitudinally, developing consciousness flexibility is the highest leverage way to live a life you love.
Want to dive deeper?
If you liked this, check out this list of my top posts, read and shared by thousands of entrepreneurs.
Here are a few of my favorites:
The secret to leadership (why authentic leadership is simply more effective)
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Executive Coaching for Entrepreneurs
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I’m an executive coach and the founder of Inside-Out Leadership, a boutique leadership development agency that supports entrepreneurs to step fully into their lives, and transform their companies into their masterpieces.
Leveraging 15-years as a founder/CEO, along with deep training in mindfulness, psychology, Neurolinguistic Programming, psychedelic integration and more, I have helped leaders from some of the fastest growing companies and VC funds in the world design a more conscious life and make key changes to improve their performance and satisfaction.
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